remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
