I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
