someone threw a dead crab at me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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