I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
