I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
