apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
