i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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