K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
