My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
