not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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