i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
