I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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