Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
