Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
