This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
