This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found puke in my bra..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
