I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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