I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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