I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize