New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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