hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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