I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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