apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
