i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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