I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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