A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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