You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
