i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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