Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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