The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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