I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
