is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize