Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
