so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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