Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
