he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
