i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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