A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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