Me. At least after what I've been through.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
