I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
