I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
