I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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