this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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