I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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