RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
