Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
