my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize