i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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