And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize