actually, I'm a sock model
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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