there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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