I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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