I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
