you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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