I bet he comes in French.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
