On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
