my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
