So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
