its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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