based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
where does the pee come out of this thing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
