i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
