his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, beer. Big fan.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
be right there i have to get my cape
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
