I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
