i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
