p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
