I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize