my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
