You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
