there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
