I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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