im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
