I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
