the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
