You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And then my night got REAL pukey
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
