I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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