dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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