I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
