Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
