if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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