I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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