I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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