belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
40s are totally the cure
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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