I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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