My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
me + whiskey = a bad person
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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