Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
