peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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