i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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