But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
