so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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