So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
