last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
