there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
