all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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