I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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