I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
