Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize