Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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