you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
