we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize