if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
