End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my poor anus
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
