just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize