Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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