I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
