Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
