this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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